


Love, It Will Not Betray You, Dismay Or Enslave You (It Will Set You Free)

by insertwittyname



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Genderqueer Georgi, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy Dog, Trans Emil, Trans Georgi, Transphobia, chosen family, slight biphobia/homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-22 16:43:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insertwittyname/pseuds/insertwittyname
Summary: Georgi is genderqueer, and it causes more problems than he thought it would. When all seemed lost, there was one thing that gave him hope--love.





	1. Be More Like The Man You Were Made To Be

**Author's Note:**

> I've found it, everyone. The rarest rarepair. This is the first (and hopefully not the last) fic in this tag, so I hope it gets things started well. Enjoy, y'all!
> 
> (Title from Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons)

Growing up with four older brothers, you don’t talk much about gender and sexuality outside man and straight. It’s all proving who’s manlier, not whether you’re a man in the first place. Besides, there was far too much happening between noogies and fighting over food and tripping over jock straps in the hallway to really pay much attention to anything besides survival.

Georgi came out as bisexual at fourteen. His brothers accepted and loved him, he knew that; it was hard to think otherwise when they got into fights at school defending him and his sexuality. But they kept making those jokes, kept calling him that ugly slur that felt like knives in his chest and made him hate his attraction to men. They stopped touching him, even to shove him out of the way to get to the chips their mom brought home or to shower first, despite Georgi insisting bisexuality doesn’t rub off and he’s not weird enough to actually be attracted to his siblings. Not only that, but their girlfriends constantly asked him to go shopping with them because “I heard you guys are good with fashion” (and he hated that he somewhat fit that stereotype and enjoyed shopping).

So, skating became Georgi’s escape, his means of expressing his sexuality without having to compromise or fear being called those words. Hell, his fellow skaters were all some form of queer, too, so they just accepted him immediately. Then Viktor came out as genderfluid, gave him a little lesson on gender and how there are more than boys and girls, but genderqueer and agender and bigender and demigenders…And it made Georgi inexplicably happy. Happy that there was more to this world than what he had learned from his brothers who imposed the strict binary on him at home. Even if he wasn’t any of those, it was nice to know that he could be accepted for being a feminine guy.

And that’s what he was for years: a feminine man who liked all people (not that he would say he was pansexual, he still felt more comfortable with bisexuality or just saying he was queer). Until he saw a picture of a masculine person in makeup with a caption saying they were genderqueer. Georgi remembered that, like a third gender, and strictly out of curiosity looked up more people who used that label, and what he found was that he liked it. He liked seeing people who didn’t feel the need to adhere to the arbitrary binary society imposed on everyone.

“What are you looking at?!” Georgi startled at the voice and closed his laptop to look up at his brother, Alexander.

“N-nothing. Aren’t you supposed to be at soccer practice?”

“It ended an hour ago. Why are you looking at guys in dresses?”

“Don’t worry about it!”

“You think you’re a girl now? You wanna get boobs and shit?”

“N-no, just get out!”

Georgi never questioned himself again. Gender was clearly not something to be questioned for him. Besides, he was comfortable with his body, he didn’t want to change it. He would survive as a guy.

When he met Anya, he felt more in touch with being a man than ever. He knew it was his job to protect her, to provide for her, to love and support her. Georgi was more than happy to. He could be her prince and knight in shining armor. It wasn’t until about a year after they started dating when he started questioning his gender again, when he couldn’t keep ignoring the nagging doubt. He tried out identifying as genderqueer to himself and to the other skaters first. They were so accepting of him, even Yuri who never seemed to care much about him asked which pronouns he should use for Georgi. It helped him feel more comfortable to be himself, and he knew he’d found the right label for him.

Working up the courage to tell Anya was difficult and took weeks of writing and rewriting the little speech he had planned in his head explaining it to her. Even after that, it took him two weeks to work up the nerve and find the right moment to tell her.

“Anya, I…have to tell you something.” Georgi’s voice was quiet as he sat across from her at a table in their favorite café. He stared at the cup in his hands, everything he had planned suddenly gone and he was left with the only few words he could choke out, “I’m not a man, I’m genderqueer.”

The silence that stretches on into eternity kills him, makes him regret everything that came to this moment. He knew he had to tell her, that it wasn’t fair to either of them to continue lying about his gender. It took all his strength to look up at her, and the look of both horror and anger was almost too much for Georgi to handle. He wasn’t expecting the most positive reaction (she was straight, after all), but he didn’t expect the harsh words that came next.

“You’re kidding, right? First you’re bisexual, now you’re some trans?! It was bad enough knowing we could like the same guys, but now you say you aren’t one?!” Every syllable was a dagger in Georgi’s heart. He loved her so much, how could she not love him? Maybe…maybe he could change…? No, this isn’t something that just goes away, obviously. He’d tried for years.

“I’m sorry…” Georgi whispered, looking back down in shame. He wished he didn’t have to be this way.

Anya stood up, grabbing her purse, “I can’t love someone who isn’t a man, especially one who doesn’t know who he is. We’re done, Georgi.” And she was gone. Just like that, two years of dating, planning their life together, was over. She was his everything, and he couldn’t even bring himself to get up and go after her.

Georgi moved almost on autopilot as he made his way back to their apartment hours later, only to find everything of hers was gone. Pictures off the wall, her clothes, everything. He collapsed in the middle of the living room and sobbed, everything he was hoping wouldn’t happened, had, and he had nothing anymore. It was over: their relationship, his life…

It took months for him to feel anything again. Georgi wasn’t over her, he doubted he ever would be, but he wasn’t in as much pain. Now, though, he hated being genderqueer. He couldn’t deny it anymore, but it was ugly to him, just as identifying as a cis man had been not too long ago. It was just another reminder that he carried more than one hated and misunderstood identity that would get him shunned. Anya leaving him for another man would just be the beginning of his failed relationships, he knew it. He had lost hope for love.

At least, until he started talking to Emil.

It started as more of an accident, a congratulations tweet after the Czech man had won gold, which turned into a DM, which turned into full conversations and staying up later than usual to talk and cursing the timezones that seemed to want to work against them, to…forgetting how horrible Anya had left him feeling. Emil was kind and funny and accepting. Hell, when Georgi told him he was genderqueer during one of their weekly skype calls, he just got the usual bright smile, “I’m trans, too! What pronouns should I use for you?”

Georgi was surprised. He’d known even binary trans people who wouldn’t accept his gender, yet Emil seemed really happy about it. It took a moment for Georgi to get his bearings enough to answer, “Um…I don’t have a preference…?”

“Then I can just use they because it’s neutral and if you want me to use something else, let me know, okay?” And that was it. They went back to talking about whatever they had been before, like it was nothing. Like coming out as trans was as normal as asking the weather. Even better, the only thing that changed was the terms Emil used for him. Person instead of man, they instead of he, attractive instead of handsome. Hell, if anything, Emil was more open about things like his transition and talking shit about cis people with him. He once even said it was cool that Georgi felt comfortable in his identity and that he found something that fit him.

With time, Georgi became proud of his gender again. Sure, he wasn’t part of the majority when it came to that, but that didn’t make him bad or wrong or undeserving of love. If anything, it meant he should be cherished even more, at least according to Emil.

Emil, whose laugh Georgi hadn’t really heard before and stuck in his head for days after their first skype call. Emil, who flew out to Russia when Georgi told him he was feeling destructive to take the bottle from his hands and held him until he fell asleep safely. Emil, who reassured him almost daily that he was special and deserved only good things. Emil, who brought him back from the edge dozens of times and never asked anything in return.

Georgi loved Emil, that much was obvious. You don’t talk to someone every day without caring deeply for them. But was he…in love with him? No, he didn’t feel how he did when he was with Anya. He didn’t feel like he had to protect Emil, like he had to be perfect for him. He thought about it as he watched Yuuri and Viktor at practice, and saw that no matter what Yuuri did, Viktor loved him, and vice versa. Yuuri wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but that didn’t matter to Viktor. Just being him was enough. And…that was how Emil was. He’d even assured Georgi several times that he would always care about him, no matter what he did. Georgi even believed him and let Emil see the sides of him even his family didn’t know about, not only being trans, but his depression and deep love for makeup. Not only that, but he wouldn’t change Emil for the world. He wasn’t perfect, either, he snored loudly (as he found out when they both fell asleep on skype and that was how Emil woke him up) and usually let people take his kindness for granted.

Shit, Georgi was in love with him, no denying it. He was in love with no end in sight, and he’d be damned if he would let someone so important to him just slip through his fingers like with Anya. So, one day he packed a bag and flew to the Czech Republic, heading right from the airport to where Emil was training. When he walked in, he found a place on the bleachers to watch him, and smiled softly when he was noticed by the man a few minutes later. Once his practice was over, Georgi met him down at the bottom of the bleachers while he took off his skates. Emil smiled at him warmly like he always did, “Hey there, cutie. What are you doing here?”

“I…thought I would visit. Can we go get lunch or something?” Georgi tried to keep calm, willing his heart to stop beating so quickly at the sight of that beautiful face.

“Yeah, sure! I know a little place down the street with really good coffee, if you want.” Emil stood up and slung his backpack over his shoulder. Georgi agreed and a bit later, found himself across from him at a little café. They talked for a while as they usually did, and Georgi found it far easier to relax around him despite knowing what he would do. It was hard to not be relaxed and happy with Emil.

They had been quiet for a while, Emil looking out the window at the passing cars and setting sun, when Georgi spoke again, “Thank you, by the way. For being so kind to me, caring how I am, keeping me from…doing things that I would’ve regretted.” He took a deep breath and reached forward to hold his hand, eyes focused on their hands being the same size, the way they fit together so well once Emil held his hand, too, “And I…I care about you, too. A lot.”

There was more silence for a few moments, and Georgi was prepared to have to go back to Russia depressed and alone all over again. Once he finally worked up the courage to look at him, he saw another smile, but a softer one. The one he knew from their skype calls that said, “I see, I support you, I love you,” the one that kept Georgi going on days he couldn’t get out of bed. Before he knew it, Emil’s lips were on his, and it was soft and good and quick, but it was all he needed. Even if that kiss was the only one he would ever get from Emil, he would still die happy.


	2. The Beauty Of Love As It Was Made To Be

It had been almost two years since their first kiss, and Georgi couldn’t remember a time when he was happier. Since that day, they spent more time together, visited much more, Georgi even spent his last year before retirement with Emil’s coach instead of Yakov. He couldn’t even say he missed Russia; there wasn’t much to miss. After he had come out as genderqueer, most of his family disowned him, except one of his brothers and his family. He skyped them often and visited for a couple days during the holidays, but otherwise, he was dead to the rest of the family. It had hurt at first, of course, but he gained a new family not too long after when Emil introduced him to his siblings, one of whom was also nonbinary, then everyone else. His grandmother even joked that if the two broke up, she was taking Georgi instead. When they spent time with Emil’s nephew, a sweet two-year-old with a love of flowers, or his parents who gave the warmest hugs (even his father, which was a big but welcome surprise), Georgi could feel the memories of harsh words and accusations becoming less and less prevalent in his mind.

And now, Georgi glanced down from his book at Emil, who was sound asleep with his head in his lap, light brown hair soft between the Russian’s fingers. The man who, without intending to, changed Georgi’s life and gave him a reason to live when he thought it was pointless. He hadn’t cured his depression, of course, but he looked out for him, protected him from himself, and that was all he could ask from his boyfriend. He’d even gotten him their dog, the would-be service corgi also asleep on Emil’s chest, named Hektor. The dog didn’t even technically graduate service dog training, as there was no training him to do things he didn’t necessarily want to, but the couple loved him anyway. His presence alone could bring a smile to Georgi’s face no matter how bad the depressive episode.

Georgi was thankful for what he went through with Anya. As he looked around the living room of their little shared apartment, he knew he would never have any of it if she had not hurt him so badly. He would still be wondering why he never truly felt whole, why every antidepressant he took never could fix the feeling that something was wrong. He would think he was a cis man, which he now could tell was absolutely ridiculous and joked about regularly. Worst of all, he would have thought he was happy that way. Georgi had been happy with her, sure, but looking back, it was nothing compared to the joy he felt with Emil. Emil accepted him and loved him and asked nothing in return, but Georgi was determined to love him back as much as he was loved. This was something he hadn’t felt with Anya, but he never would have known how good it could feel if she had not waltzed into his life only to break him down. Despite it, he forgave her and was grateful for it all.

“One to ten?” Georgi looked back down to Emil, who was now awake and looking as concerned as he could while still half-lucid. Even sleepy, his first instinct was to see if Georgi was feeling okay.

“One. I’m just thinking.” He smiled reassuringly and leaned down to kiss his forehead.

Emil nodded a little and rubbed his eyes with one hand, yawning, “About what?”

“How happy I am that I have you.” He returned to running his fingers through Emil’s hair, setting his book down on the coffee table next to him.

“Uh huh, okay.” Emil smiled back and rolled his eyes, “Like I’m supposed to believe that.”

Georgi shrugged, “It’s the truth. You’ve made my life so much better just by being in it, and I thank you.”

That smile, the one Georgi’s heart still sped up at the sight of, got wider, somehow more full of that pure joy that seemed to make up Emil’s entire existence, “You don’t have to thank me. It’s been my pleasure.” He leaned up as much as he could without waking Hektor to kiss him, one hand reaching up to cup the back of his head gently, “I love you so much, Georgi.”

And there it was. The one phrase Georgi didn’t think he’d hear and truly believe just a couple years ago. The one that had been said first when Emil was leaving after his visit to Russia a few months after they started dating, a last-minute thought on Georgi’s part that turned into a missed flight and another round of goodbyes a few hours later. The one that had been said so many times since then, during dinner and while bringing Hektor home for the first time and in the mostly-dark of their bedroom in hushed voices between the soft moans and gasps. The one that meant so much every time Georgi heard it from Emil that he couldn’t imagine a day he’ll tire of it being said, or saying it in return.

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked the first of many fics I intend to post of this pairing! Please leave comments if you liked it, have constructive criticism, or have suggestions for other fics with them!


End file.
